In A Breath
by Kyizi
Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother’s success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone? (EdgeLita. Starts Vengeance 2002) NOW COMPLETE
1. Prologue

**In A Breath**

**_By Kyizi_**

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance and continues from there in my own storyline, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again :)_

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

**_E-mail:_**_ wwekyizific@hotmail.com_

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

Prologue 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

He could hear a noise. It sounded nearby, but at the same time it was very muffled, almost as if it were coming from a padded room. Frowning, he moved closer, looking about him to see if anyone else could hear it. But they couldn't, because he was alone and there wasn't anyone else there to hear it. He frowned and took a step closer, his eyes narrowing as he caught what sounded like a female voice…and she was in pain. 

Without thinking, he moved towards the door, throwing it open not worrying about the consequences, without caring what they were. His breath caught in his throat as he saw her, all bloodied and battered and definitely in no condition to be out of a hospital, let alone lying half beaten to death in a room at the arena. 

She squealed and moved away from him, crouching in fear, shying away from him as he moved forward. Every step he took, she seemed further away, every little movement made her fade from his vision. Didn't she know? Didn't she realise that he could help her? Didn't she know that he knew exactly what she was going through? He was running now, trying to find her, but all he could see was white. An empty corridor of time, and he had lost her in it, had lost himself…and he wasn't sure if he'd ever find his way out.

Christian sat up, grasping for air, clutching at his chest, the vision of white, fading from his head and for a moment everything was clear and everything was okay. Before long, his head swarmed with images, with fear, with blood, just as he knew it would. Rubbing his eyes, he wiped away the tears that he hadn't realised he'd cried. 

He stood up, pulling on a shirt as he walked to the window pulling the curtains and the large glass door open enough to slip out. He stared at the sky, the stars and the moon looking down in all their glory, but he didn't see them. All he saw was that face, that man laughing at him, taunting him and it wasn't alone. She was looking at him, her beautiful face covered in her own blood as they stood over her, his brother was glaring at him, an unforgiving look on his face and *they* were laughing in the background.

"Christian?"

He closed his eyes and sighed as she came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm okay." He said softly.

"No you're not." She turned him around and looked up at him, her lovely eyes taking in the sadness on his face.

"No," he sighed. "You're right, I'm not. But I'll get over it."

She frowned and cupped his face in her hands. "This could all be over, Christian, all we have to do is tell the truth."

"No."

"I'm fed up of all the lying, of all the sneaking around!" she cried, her voice suddenly rising. She stopped for a moment and rubbed her eyes. "I love you," she whispered. "Don't you know that?"

"Of course I do," he said pulling her into his arms. "And if I wasn't so selfish and loved you back, I'd try to let you go and stop you from wasting your life hiding in the shadows with me."

"It doesn't have to be like this, Christian." She smiled and pulled him in for a soft kiss, barely a brush against his lips. "We could tell him the truth. He'd understand…and you'd have your brother back."

"I wish that was true, I really do." He pulled away from her and headed back inside, pausing momentarily at the screen doors. "It's not the simple. I ended my life with my brother a long time ago…that's what was taken from-" he sighed. "I've lost him and I don't think I'll ever get that back."

She rubbed her arms, tightening the robe around her and sighed as she watched him enter the house. She wasn't so sure he was right; in fact, she knew that if Edge knew the truth he would definitely care. All she had to do now was try to convince Christian that he would.

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

End Prologue 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	2. Part 01

**In A Breath**

**_By Kyizi_**

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

**_E-mail:_**_ wwekyizific@hotmail.com_

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic! And I didn't know Matt was fighting on Heat, so as far as this fic goes, unless it happened on RAW or Smackdown, then it didn't happen. That means Matt's been gone!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

Part One 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

"Give me that."

"No, 'cause then you'll use it."

"Well, that's the idea, idiot."

"I'm not an idiot."

"And I am not watching this crap for a minute longer."

"No."

"Oh, very mature."

"Put it away unless you plan to use it, sweetie." Lita smiled from her position on the couch.

Jeff and Edge turned to look at her and Edge wagged his eyebrows. "You name the time and place, and I'll bring the tongue." 

Jeff scrunched up his face. "Okay, that was gross." He said, rolling his eyes. "Hey!" 

Edge shrugged as best he could, considering they were lying on the bed and leaning on their arms. "Ya snooze, ya lose." He smirked, flicking the channel.

"I was watching that!"

"Jeff, honey," Lita smiled at him. "I'm sorry, I love you like a brother but if I have to watch one more Scooby Doo rerun it may result in bodily harm…yours."

"Yeah, Jeffy, watch or she'll beat you u-ouch!"

Edge rubbed the back of his head and glared at Lita. "No need to throw things at a defenceless man." He said to her, hitting Jeff without looking at him. "And if you don't watch it, Hardy, I'll sign you up for another match with the Undertaker."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Oh, ha, ha, very funny. Like I haven't heard that one about fifty times in the last couple of weeks."

"Well, you haven't heard it from me, small fry. Well, not in person anyway."

"Small fry? A couple of inches less don't make that much difference."

Edge laughed. "Is that what women keep telling you? 'Cause they lie,"

Jeff opened his mouth to reply when Matt entered the room. The elder Hardy dropped his bags to the floor and grinned when he spotted the trio. "Well, well, well, look who it is." He smiled and walked over to the bed, shaking Edge's hand as the man sat up. "Hey, man, great to see you."

"You too, how was your trip?"

"All right," Matt shrugged, as he smacked his brother over the head. "Hey jerk." He smirked as Jeff reached to hit him and missed. Walking across the room, he gave Lita a kiss on the cheek, careful of her neck brace and sat on the arm of her chair. "Gramma's feelin' a lot better. Although, she said she might live a little longer if her grandson over there would at least attempt to find some sanity."

"Hey, Gramma loves me just the way I am!" Jeff protested, taking the distraction caused by Matt's entrance to grab the remote back and change the channel again. "Damn, it's finished."

Matt frowned, looking at the credits on the TV. "Jeff, you've seen them all before, why does it matter?"

"Because it's the principle of the thing. Hey, we could go to the movies…"

"Not to see Scooby Doo again, Jeff, so don't even think about it!" Lita said, shaking her finger at him.

"Ooh, does she always get this testy with you Jeff? You'll have to teach me your trade secrets." Edge smirked as Lita rolled her eyes and Matt and Jeff watched the exchange with amusement. 

"So, what y'all been doin'?" Matt asked, taking the chair next to Lita's.

"Not a lot, really. Jeff and I got here yesterday and Edge arrived this mornin'."

"Yeah, had an unfortunate run in with the younger sibling as well," Edge said a little darkly.

"What he do this time?" Matt asked.

"Not a lot, actually looked kinda scared of me. Either that or he just wasn't paying much attention, he did seem kinda spaced."

"Well, I think it could easily be either." Matt said growning. Leaning back, he pulled a pair of Jeff's trousers from behind him on the chair and threw them at his brother. "You've changed already?"

"Yeah, well, these didn't go with my hair." Jeff smirked.

"Yeah, about that, not so sure about the green, man."

"I think it's nice." Lita said, shrugging.

"You would."

After a moment they turned to face the bed. "Edge?" they asked in unison.

"Oh, no. I am not getting into this one. I either piss off Lita and Jeff, or I get Matt glaring at me all day. Usually I'd go for the latter, but a pouting Hardy is a really pathetic sight-ouch! Watch where you're throwing things."

"I was." Matt said as Edge removed Jeff's jacket from his head.

"Why were you so late?" Lita asked changing the subject.

"Flight was delayed." Matt supplied, reaching into the back of the chair to find out what was sticking into him. He rolled his eyes and threw one of Jeff's paintbrushes at him.

"I was looking for that!" Jeff said, turning to throw it onto the top of his messy suitcase.

"Yeah, and that's gonna keep you from losing it again." Matt said sarcastically, but Jeff ignored him, and instead focussed on getting the remote back from Edge.

Lita shook her head and turned to Matt, "Movies?"

"Lets go." Matt and Lita headed for the door laughing to themselves as Edge and Jeff scrambled to their feet.

"Hey!"

"Wait up!"

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End Part One 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

_Okay, this was supposed to be a lot less light hearted, but it'll slowly start getting darker from this POV as well_


	3. Part 02

**In A Breath**

**_By Kyizi_**

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

**_E-mail:_**_ wwekyizific@hotmail.com_

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass; I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

Part Two 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

He still couldn't believe he'd lost his cool. He hadn't even been looking where he was going; he'd been thinking about…well, he hadn't been paying attention. He'd spent the entire day and night just walking, thinking, or trying not to think, so walking into someone was really to be expected. The fact that his muttered; "sorry" had been met with an audible sneer hadn't really surprised him. He hadn't exactly won a lot of friends in the last year, but it was the voice, the sudden recognition that had caught him off guard.

He must have looked terrified as he had stared into Edge's eyes, the prospect of running into his brother had always brought him pain and he'd tried to make sure that it never happened, but it had been a year since it had started…a year, it was hard to believe that it was only a year since his entire life had started to fall apart. It was always on his mind, something he lived with every day…something he tried to cope with. His brother was his weakness, so he'd got rid of that, or so he'd thought, but looking into Edge's eyes had pulled down part of that wall he'd built, the wall that was slowly crumbling, but he couldn't let it fall, he just couldn't.

He'd avoided his brother outside of the ring ever since he had hit him with the steel chair, driving all his anger, hurt and pain into hurting his own brother, into hurting himself…anything to try and make it stop. But it hadn't and it never could and he knew Edge would be the undoing of it all. Yesterday he'd been careless, it couldn't happen again…

Bringing himself back to the present, Christian glanced at the two men he was sitting with and tried to refrain from rolling his eyes. He really hated these jerks, but they were tough and they were his 'friends' and that meant they'd protect him…and that was all that really mattered.

"Damn Americans," Lance muttered as the waitress stalked back to the kitchen.

"Yeah." Christian said a little less than enthusiastically. 

"You okay, man?"

Looking up from his sandwich, Christian faked a smile. "I'm fine, Test. Just thinking about how we're gonna kick that American Idol, Hogan's ass tonight." He said, his mind on anything but that.

"Yeah, and that traitorous bother of yours. He should be on our side, he should be sticking with his countrymen."

"Yeah." Christian said softly. If only that was the only reason, but Christian knew that, as well as detesting the whole Anti-American thing, Edge would never want to spend time with Lance and Test, not only because they were complete idiots, but simply because he was working with them. It tore him apart to know that he had no one left. He'd lost Edge and his entire family when he'd turned on the WWF, he'd lost everything…well, almost. Just thinking of her brought a smile to his lips, she was all he had to live for. Luckily the smile that graced his lips was mistaken for something else. 

"Yeah, I see Christian agrees."

"Eh, yeah." He said, a little unsure as to what he was actually agreeing to.

"Well, there was this tight little blonde number checking him out the other day, I definitely think he's up for another night on the town."

"Eh…"

"Well, that's only if she's there tonight," Lance said, biting into his sandwich.

"Oh, she will be. I got her number…hey, maybe she'll be up for more than one of us, if ya know what I mean," Test nodded his head with a wide smile.

"Eh, tonight…I, well, I mean, we'll have just won the titles, don't you just want a guys night out? We could go celebrate…"

"Come on, man, what's a man's night out without some women?" 

"I…"

"What's up with you, Christian?" Lance said. Both he and Test placed their sandwiches back onto their plates and sat back, arms crossed.

Christian looked at the two and gulped a little. "I…I guess I'm just a little overexcited. I mean, I'm gonna have gold again. That's a big thing." 

Lance inclined his head before nodding, obviously taking Christian's word for it. Test narrowed his eyes a little, but nodded as well and Christian let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

"Hey, guys, I'm gonna go get ready to leave."

"We have all day left." 

"I know," Christian shrugged. "But I want to make sure I have everything and I didn't sleep much last night, so I want to catch a few zees."

"Okay." Lance nodded.

Christian smiled and rose from his seat, walking towards the exit, congratulating himself on his near escape. Unfortunately he was too far away to hear Test whispering to Lance. 

"Something's up, man. We need to keep an eye on him."

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

End Part Two 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	4. Part 03

In A Breath  
  
By Kyizi  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine.  
  
Rating: R, for violence and rape  
  
Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something.or someone?  
  
Spoilers: Up to and including Vengeance.  
  
Setting: This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again.  
  
Feedback: Always appreciated  
  
E-mail: wwekyizific@hotmail.com  
  
Notes: This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason.  
  
(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Part Three  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Lita ran her fingers through her hair. It was a little darker than normal, but she supposed that was to be expected considering the fact that she'd allowed Jeff near it with some die. Although, considering the fact that he could have done as he joked and died it pink, she supposed it really wasn't that bad. Besides, as much as he liked to make people believe otherwise with his insane moves, he really did value his life, therefore Lita knew her hair was in good hands; Jeff would never purposely incur her wrath.  
  
She scrunched up her nose as she tried to turn her neck. She really hated the neck brace, but unfortunately, she needed it. Sighing, she closed her eyes and tried to reach beneath the brace to rub her stiff neck a little. She jumped as a hand was placed on top of hers and looked into the mirror, her eyes locking with his.  
  
"Still sore?" she shrugged and he nodded, his hands working the buckle and taking off the neck brace. He placed his hands around her neck and she instantly stiffened. "I won't hurt you."  
  
"I know," she smiled. "Call it an instinctive reaction. But when someone wraps their hands around my neck and applies pressure, I think it's customary to freak.or possibly scream."  
  
Edge smirked at her through the mirror and began to massage her neck. "If you really want to scream, I can think of a much better way."  
  
Lita smiled and blushed a little at his implication. "I'm sure you can, but I'll bet it's nothing to what I can come up with."  
  
Edge's grin widened. "Remind me to let you show me that."  
  
"If you need reminding, then maybe you're not worth it," she said with a playful grin.  
  
"Oh, trust me," he whispered, leaning in, his breath brushing against her ear. "I'm worth it."  
  
Lita stared into the mirror, her eyes not leaving his for moment. He was staring at her with an unreadable expression and it made her slightly nervous. His hands were working at her neck with a tender touch and she bit back a moan as he hit a sensitive spot.  
  
Edge smiled. "I think I'll have to file that away for later use," he said, still whispering in her ear.  
  
"Hey Li, you know where, I'm sorry, I think I'll leave."  
  
Lita laughed and turned to the door, Edge's hands still gently kneading at her neck. "It's okay, Matt, get back here."  
  
Matt peered through the door again, his eyebrows raised, as he watched Edge continue his ministrations on Lita's neck. "You sure about that? I mean, if you and Edge are getting' jiggy with it."  
  
"Lita and Edge are getting' jiggy with it?" Jeff asked as he entered the room. "About time."  
  
Lita shook her head, wincing a little as the sudden action pulled one of her sore muscles. "Nobody's getting jiggy with anything!" she laughed, missing the brief look of disappointment on Edge's face. Matt and Jeff, however, didn't.  
  
"Just had a run in with your dear brother," Jeff said in an attempt to change the conversation for Edge's sake. But he made a mental note to approach the man later. Dumping his bags onto the bench along the wall, he turned to face the others. "He's in a chipper mood, as always,"  
  
"I'll bet," Edge smiled sadly. "He always was a pain in the ass when he was nervous. And he's always nervous before he goes out into the crowd."  
  
"Probably worse now that he's a heel." Matt said a little spitefully.  
  
"Yeah,"  
  
Lita frowned, not liking the sad tone of Edge's voice. He had stopped massaging her neck and she placed the brace back on, accepting his help. She looked at his serious eyes through the mirror, knowing that it wasn't the simple task of closing the brace that was on his mind. She hated to see him like this, hated to see him so broken. But that's exactly what he was. Ever since Christian had turned his back on Edge, a part of the man had been broken. And Lita had to wonder if it could ever be fixed.  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
End Part Three  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Sorry it's so short, but there's more to follow soon, I promise! 


	5. Part 04

In A Breath  
  
By Kyizi  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine.  
  
Rating: R, for violence and rape  
  
Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something.or someone?  
  
Spoilers: Up to and including Vengeance.  
  
Setting: This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again.  
  
Feedback: Always appreciated  
  
E-mail: wwekyizific@hotmail.com  
  
Notes: This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason.  
  
(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Part Four  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
  
  
Christian paced across the floor of his changing room. Luckily most of the Smackdown! Superstars that he was sharing with weren't there, only Mark Henry sat in the corner, and the large man was making it more than obvious that he was ignoring the young man. Not that it bothered Christian, he was more than happy to be ignored.  
  
He looked up to the monitor, knowing that with each passing match he was being brought closer to the event he really didn't want to happen. He knew Edge hated him, and he knew that he deserved it. He deserved it. She could tell him it wasn't his fault as many times as she liked, but he deserved it. It wouldn't have happened it he didn't. Because things like that shouldn't happen unless you deserved it. But not to her. She hadn't deserved it.the conflict of the two thoughts often brought a frown to his face, it didn't matter how many times he thought of it, he still blamed himself for what they did to him.but those alliance members? What they had done to her was their fault.  
  
He still remembered it vividly, he hadn't really cared about anything at that time, nothing but the fact that he couldn't make them stop, nothing but the pain and.it was all that occupied his mind, he hadn't really been there for his brother, hadn't been there to properly congratulate him, instead his actions had come across as jealousy.and as long as no one figured out the truth he supposed it didn't really matter.except that he had wanted Edge to figure it out.he'd wanted his bog brother to be there for him and.no. It wasn't Edge's fault it was his.  
  
And then he'd found her, he'd seen her lying in a pool of blood, too much like what he was experiencing at the time and suddenly he'd had someone else to care for, someone else that he could focus his energy on, someone to focus on entirely, to make sure that he didn't have to think about what was happening to him.  
  
"Hey, man, relax!"  
  
Christian turned to the door, biting back a groan as he realised that he'd have to talk to Lance and Test now. The other men entered and Test handed him a bottle of water before taking a seat next to Lance. Christian watched as the two men exchanged a glance and as much as his partners liked to think so, he wasn't stupid. He knew the looks were about him. They knew that something was wrong and the last thing he needed was them trying to figure out what it was.  
  
"Okay, plans for this evening," Test began and Christian was thankful that the man seemed to decide to let it drop.at least for the moment. Test turned to Mark Henry and raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me, can we help you?"  
  
The world's strongest man looked up and frowned. "I highly doubt it."  
  
Test stood and smirked at him. "I don't think you quite got my meaning, so why don't I just spell it out? Beat it."  
  
Mark stood and walked towards Test, squaring up to the taller man, not daunted in the least. "I think you might want to think about who you're talking to."  
  
"Oh, I know who I'm talking to."  
  
"What's up?" The men turned to Farooq as he leaned against the doorway.  
  
"Nothing." Christian replied, not wanting to start anything. Lance and Test narrowed their eyes at him, but he blatantly ignored them. "I'm going for a walk," he said and left the room.  
  
As he began to walk down the corridor he sighed, knowing that he'd have to explain his actions later, and that meant making something up. Glancing up at a monitor as he passed, he grinned, watching as Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan congratulated Jeff on his win, knowing that his friend all but worshiped those men. His smile faded, not his friend, his former friend, in fact it had been a long time since Jeff had been a friend. The thought saddened him. He remembered a time when the five of them had gone out after every show, having as much fun as the clubs would allow.  
  
He smiled, remembering that he used to watch Edge pining after the sparky redhead who seemed as oblivious to his affections for her as the Hardyz were. And he knew that Edge was happy the Hardyz hadn't noticed, his brother had been sure that the two southerners would have kicked his ass the minute they found out, and Christian had taken great delight in teasing him about that. But those days were so long gone that he was struggling to keep the memories alive. But he had to; memories were all that he had left, memories of a happier time, and her.  
  
He continued to walk through the halls, knowing that with every step he was edging closer to the time when he'd have to go out to the ring and try to beat up Hulk Hogan and his brother. He remembered when they were younger, cheering the older man on, running about the house in their Hulkamania t- shirts screaming; "Whatcha gonna do?" at each other.  
  
They had both idolised the man, just like most of the wrestlers that were here had and now his brother held the tag titles with him.and he couldn't celebrate with him. They used to joke about it when they were younger. Holding the titles with Hulk Hogan, sharing a belt, taking match about. It was a silly childish dream, but for Edge, it had come true. He was tag champion with Hulk Hogan, and Christian was left behind to congratulate his brother in the shadows.  
  
"Ouch, watch where you're goin', man."  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled, instantly recognising the Southern drawl as Jeff Hardy's. He tried to continue walking, but the other man stopped him.  
  
"Hey," Christian looked up at the European champ and made eye contact for the first time in what seemed like forever. Jeff frowned and continued. "No problem,"  
  
Christian nodded and turned away, leaving behind a very confused Hardy brother.  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
End Part Four  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
I would like to point out that I had wanted to make this a Christian/Lita fic in reply to a request that Karen made ages ago, but for the purposes of the storyline, it wouldn't work! Sorry, I'll try next time! 


	6. Part 05

In A Breath  
  
By Kyizi  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine.  
  
Rating: R, for violence and rape  
  
Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something.or someone?  
  
Spoilers: Up to and including Vengeance.  
  
Setting: This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again.  
  
Feedback: Always appreciated  
  
E-mail: wwekyizific@hotmail.com  
  
Notes: This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason.  
  
(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Part Five  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
  
  
Jeff frowned as he made his way back to his locker room, but tried to shake it off as people passed him by, smiling and congratulating him. He appreciated their response, appreciated that they thought he deserved his title. Hell, after those bruises from his ladder match a few weeks ago, he knew he deserved it. But the fact that his colleagues, the fact that legends like Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair thought he deserved it, that made him happier than he ever remembered being.  
  
But that wasn't what was currently occupying his mind, instead all he could think about was the look on Christian's face. All he could remember was the sorrow in the man's eyes when he had finally looked at him. It had been like looking at the old Christian, a sad and sorrowful version of him, but nonetheless it had been the old Christian that he had seen.  
  
He had to admit he hadn't been completely convinced when Christian had started acting strangely. The all knew the man was an actor, or as Edge always liked to put it, a liar, but there was something so false about the whole situation. Christian had never craved Gold, not after he and Edge had let the titles get to their heads. The younger man had, in fact, told Jeff that he never wanted to see Gold again in his life if he could help it. He still remembered the blonde Canadian cringing when watching old replays.  
  
Something had never sat right with Jeff. The man he had once considered as his best friend, aside from Lita (and obviously Matt) had suddenly become withdrawn and nervous all the time. He refused to go out, saying that he was getting too old for clubbing, despite the fact that some of the people they were going out with were old enough to be a parent to him. But they had all accepted it, whenever they had questioned it, he never answered with a satisfactory reply, so they'd just stopped asking. And Jeff had always regretted that.  
  
He made his way into his locker room and was instantly floored by a flurry of red. He laughed coughing as her hair went into his mouth. "Geez, Li, happy to see me?" he asked as the laughing redhead pulled herself up from the floor (and him) and extended her hand. She pulled him and instantly placed her hand on her neck.  
  
"God, I didn't hurt you, did I?"  
  
She laughed. "Yes, Jeff, I threw myself on top of you and *you* hurt *me*."  
  
"You threw yourself on top of him? You really need to teach me your trade secrets, Hardy," Edge said, smirking as he came into the room. He reached out and shook Jeff's hand. "Great match, although I see my partner already told you that."  
  
"Yes, Edge, do keep rubbing it in, why don't you?" Lita rolled her eyes. "How Hogan puts up with you, I'll never know. You're like.what was it you said? An eight year old child?"  
  
"Hey, I resent that!"  
  
"Yes, and the little pout you have going sthere really strengthens your objection."  
  
"Bite me."  
  
"Any time."  
  
"Well, as amusing as this is, can I please congratulate my brother?" Matt asked, as Lita smiled and moved aside. Matt hugged Jeff and shook his head. "You're one crazy son of a bitch, congratulations."  
  
"Thanks and thanks." Jeff pulled away and threw his title onto the bench next to his bag.  
  
"I see this belt is going to end up like everything else you own. On the floor."  
  
"Hey, it's on the bench." Jeff smiled. He shook his head, his face becoming serious again. "Listen, Edge, I don't know whether or not to say anything but."  
  
"If you, Jeff Hardy, the man with no tact, is having to think about what he says, I think this is important enough for me to insist I know."  
  
"Ha, ha." Jeff rolled his eyes. "Look.I just ran into Christian-"  
  
"And you want me to beat him up for you?"  
  
"No, listen, man, he was acting weird."  
  
Edge frowned. "Weird, how?"  
  
Jeff sighed. "I don't know, it was almost as if."  
  
"As if what?" Lita asked, moving closer to Edge and placing a hand on his arm.  
  
"As if, I don't know, it was like I was looking at the old Christian, the one we used to like. He just seemed, I dunno, sad."  
  
"He always was a good actor," Edge said gruffly.  
  
"Yeah," Jeff agreed. "He was. But I'm no longer so sure which Christian is the act."  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
End Part Five  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~ 


	7. Part 06

In A Breath  
  
By Kyizi  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine.  
  
Rating: R, for violence and rape  
  
Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something.or someone?  
  
Spoilers: Up to and including Vengeance.  
  
Setting: This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again.  
  
Feedback: Always appreciated  
  
E-mail: wwekyizific@hotmail.com  
  
Notes: This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason.  
  
(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Part Six  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
  
  
"Hey, Christian, where the hell were you?"  
  
Christian refrained from rolling his eyes as Test and Lance approached him. They were due to go out into the ring in less than two minutes, but Christian had yet to go back to the locker room. He had spent the time walking around the arena, trying to get a grip of himself. He had faced Edge before and if he could fight his own brother, then fighting his childhood hero along with his brother couldn't be any worse.could it?  
  
"Sorry, needed some air."  
  
"Some air?" Test stepped towards him dangerously. "You have a match for the tag titles against your brother and Hulk Hogan and you needed some air?"  
  
Christian shrugged but didn't speak. He looked down the hallway, spotting Lita, Matt and Jeff heading to the common area. He knew a lot of the wrestlers were meeting so that they could watch the show together, regardless of whether they were RAW or Smackdown!. Jeff looked straight at him and Christian couldn't help the sharp intake of breath he took.  
  
Jeff was staring at him, his eyes knowing. He knew something. Somehow in all his jumbled thoughts he had forgotten the younger Hardy brother's perceptiveness. Somehow Jeff knew that there was something wrong with him and Christian cursed himself. He knew Jeff Hardy, or had had known him, and somehow he doubted the man had changed very drastically. Jeff wouldn't let this rest. He never did.  
  
"Hey, are you listening?"  
  
Turning back to Test and Lance, he frowned. "Sorry, what?"  
  
Test shook his head dangerously at the smaller man. "Listen here, Christian. I'm going to say this once, plain and simple. If you don't come backstage with those titles after this match, you are in for a world of pain. Understand?"  
  
Fear rang through him, the words echoing painfully in every fibre of his body. "A world of pain." Those words. The words had been said before with more danger in them, with more hateful eyes. The memories assaulted him. The blood, the pain.his whole world wrapped in a blanket of torture.  
  
His vision clouded with red and all he could see were the fists, the boots, the chairs, the buckles.all he could hear was his own breath, echoing through his body as he lost himself, as he ceased to exist, as all that he was faded, as he was left a hollow void, a nothing. He knew what it meant to fail; he knew what it was like to lose to that kind of threat.he had to win this match, whatever the cost.  
  
  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
End Part Six  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~ 


	8. Part 07

In A Breath By Kyizi  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine. Rating: R, for violence and rape Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something - or someone? Spoilers: Up to and including Vengeance. Setting: This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again. Feedback: Always appreciated E-mail: wwekyizific@hotmail.com Notes: This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason.  
  
(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)  
  
For becky_kitty because she reminded me to update! Thanks for the review honey! And for the wonderful Kittie Kittie Kittie, 'cause her reviews make me smile :)  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Part Seven  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Edge sighed as he made his way through the hallways, his title belt hanging loosely over his shoulder. He couldn't help but continue to run through his mind what Jeff had said. The younger Hardy was well known for a lot of things, but there was one thing that he knew for sure about him and that was that Jeff knew people. Jeff could look at someone and tell you exactly what kind of mood they were in. And if he said that Christian was the old Christian, then he wasn't about to ignore that.  
  
His ears perked up as he heard Lance Storm's voice echoing through the arena and he rolled his eyes as Hogan joined him. The Icon shook his head and laughed a little at Lance's words about him.  
  
"You sure you're okay going out there?" Edge frowned, wondering if Hogan had sensed something as well. The man continued. "I mean I know he's your brother and that can't be easy."  
  
"I'll be fine." Edge nodded and raised his eyebrows as his music began and he left the back, trying to leave his thoughts there as well. As he made his way to the ring, he tried his best to forget what Jeff had said, but he couldn't.  
  
Edge barely even registered that Hogan's music was now playing as he eyed his brother outside the ring. He looked at the audience and wished he could be with the crowd completely. Just being there and enjoying that he was Hulk Hogan's tag team partner, but all he could see was his brother's face.  
  
The music stopped and Edge watched as his brother stepped into the ring with Hogan, only to be promptly thrown out. Edge watched his brother's face, knowing that Hogan had been a favourite of his brothers as well. With the old Christian, he would have known what to expect; he only wished he knew what was going on in his brother's mind now.  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
*Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it* the words echoed through Christian's mind as he slid into the ring. But he couldn't help thinking about it. It was bad enough that he had to face his brother again, but to face his brother and his childhood hero? This wasn't going to be easy. But he had to do it, he had to win. The threat Test had made was dancing in his mind and he had to win.  
  
Hogan headed towards Lance in the corner and he struck out, all the while the mantra growing louder and louder, until it was all he could hear. *Don't think about it* He had to win this, he wouldn't go through that pain again, he wouldn't let himself be broken again. As he struck out, he let out all the pain running through him, felt it leaving him with every hit, with every kick, but the shadow remained. He was fighting strong, but he felt so weak. He felt so lost.  
  
He'd lost everything because of one man, everything he'd ever wanted, everything he'd ever needed; it had all been in Edge. Christian had idolised his brother all his life, more so than even Hulk Hogan, than anyone. Edge had been that constant in his life, the one person that could make everything okay; and he'd lost him. That man had taken away everything from him, had taken his life.  
  
Memories assaulted him, threats echoed in his ears, but Tests was the loudest, it was the one that was fuelling him at the moment. The pain was there, but it was only another echo, another echo that paled next to the loss of his brother. But he couldn't be hurt again, wouldn't let Test break him, hollow him out any more. The inside was all but gone and he knew he was a mere shadow of the man he was supposed to be. But he couldn't lose that, he couldn't lose any more of who he was.  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
End Part Seven  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Okay, so it's been a while - SORRY! I'm off home for about two weeks, but my new years resolution will be to finish off my fics as soon as, so thanks for the patience and thanks even more for the demands for new parts every now and again, I can always do with a kick in the arse to get me moving with fic! ;-p 


	9. Part 08

In A Breath By Kyizi  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine. Rating: R, for violence and rape Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something.or someone? Spoilers: Up to and including Vengeance. Setting: This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again. Feedback: Always appreciated E-mail: wwekyizific@hotmail.com Notes: This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason.  
  
(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)  
  
For Esquirella because she's so nice :)  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Part Eight  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
It was over. They had lost the titles and Y2J had screwed him over; if only that was what bothered him. Edge frowned and winced as he rubbed his head, a dull, throbbing pain pulsing through it.  
  
"Listen, Edge, I don't know whether I should say this or not, but."  
  
Edge laughed humourlessly and shook his head. "I've been hearing that a lot tonight."  
  
Hogan frowned but shook his head and continued, pulling Edge out of earshot of any passers-by. "Listen, kid, I don't know if you noticed or not, but.until about half way through that match.well, Christian wasn't really hitting me out there."  
  
Edge sighed. "I know. He was barely touching me either, unless he had to."  
  
"He certainly looked like he was." Hogan said, frowning.  
  
"I know, I guess I'm learning a lot about my brother's acting abilities tonight."  
  
"Edge!" Lita hurried towards them, Matt and Jeff following behind her. She smiled a little sadly at them both and reached out to give Hogan a hug before doing the same to Edge.  
  
"If that's what happens when I lose, I think I might have to try it more often." Hogan smiled, drawing a blush from the young woman. "Ah, if only I were twenty years younger," he said with a laugh.  
  
"Lita still thinks you're hot." Jeff said smiling at the redhead, who promptly hit him.  
  
"Jeff!"  
  
Hogan laughed and shook his head. "Well, kiddies, I'm off to change. I'll catch you later. Good match, Edge, maybe we can work on getting those titles back soon."  
  
Edge smiled and nodded. "Hopefully, but I've got a few things to sort out first, and I don't just mean Jericho."  
  
"Yeah, sounds like a plan." He smiled at Matt and Lita. "Good to see you both back guys, hopefully you'll be back in action soon and kickin' ass like Jeff, here."  
  
"Thanks, good to see you, too." Matt replied with a smile as the elder man walked back to his locker room.  
  
"I can *not* believe you just said that!" Lita exclaimed beginning to hit the younger Hardy brother.  
  
"Hey! Hey! I give, I'm sorry!" He grabbed Lita's arms and smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry." Lita scowled at him, but couldn't help smiling as the younger man pouted.  
  
"Gods, Edge, you are right. A pouting Hardy isn't a pretty sight."  
  
"The fans think so." Jeff folded his arms and raised his chin in mock defiance.  
  
"I'm sure they do, honey," Lita shook her head and turned back to face Edge. "I'm really sorry about what happened out there, Edge."  
  
Edge noticed Jeff hesitating and frowned. "What is it?"  
  
"Well, there's more than y'all know, too." Jeff said softly. "But not here. After this is over, I think we need to go back to the hotel and chat.there's something I know.or at least I think I know.and I don't think y'all are gonna like it."  
  
  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
End Part Eight  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Okay, so, again, it's the hit and run chapter syndrome. I give you less than two pages of story and buggar off on my Christmas Holidays! I'm off home for a wee whiley, but if I can, I'll be posting on my list more than here. To join, go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KyiziFic But remember, the group's just a baby and it's only my older stuff that's on it at the moment. I'll be uploading more recent stuff during the holidays when I can.  
  
Thanks as always for the feedback. I love to get it; it makes me smile! :) 


	10. Part 09

In A Breath  
  
By Kyizi  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine.  
  
Rating: R, for violence and rape  
  
Summary: Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something.or someone?  
  
Spoilers: Up to and including Vengeance.  
  
Setting: This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again.  
  
Feedback: Always appreciated  
  
E-mail: wwekyizific@hotmail.com  
  
Yahoo! Group: KyiziFic  
  
Notes: This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason.  
  
(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Part Nine  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
Lita ran her fingers through her hair, nervousness was etched into her face and she was sure that Edge could see it. She wanted nothing more than to remains strong for him, but Jeff's words were taunting her. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do, she never had been. Form the moment that Christian had turned on his brother, she'd never known what to say to the elder man about the situation and now, she felt useless.  
  
She sighed and glanced at him in her peripheral vision, the light of the passing cars sporadically lighting up his face in an odd orange tint, making him look even paler and sadder that he was.she hoped.  
  
After a moment's debate with herself, she leaned against him, doing nothing more than making contact with his arm, but she felt him instantly relax a little and couldn't help herself. She leaned her head against him and allowed him to pull her close wrapping his arms tightly around her and holding her. He leaned his cheek against her hair and she felt him sigh. She closed her eyes and allowed the movement of his chest to lull her into a small sense of security.  
  
"I don't know what to think anymore."  
  
His soft voice echoed oddly around the car. She glanced into the rear view and caught Matt's eye, knowing that he and Jeff must have heard what the blond man had said. She closed her eyes, knowing that it was up to her to speak, Matt and Jeff wouldn't say a word.  
  
"I don't think you're supposed to, not until you have all the facts."  
  
"That's just it, I thought I did have all the facts and now months later, I'm suddenly finding out that there's more? I lost my brother, Li."  
  
She wrapped her arms around his chest, trying not to move too much in his embrace and squeezed him tightly. "I know you did," she said softly. "But maybe we can get him back for you."  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
There was an odd silence in the room as the four sat, glancing at each other, not sure where to start. Matt and Jeff sat in an uncomfortable silence on the bed whilst Lita was curled up on Edge's lap, the man griping onto her as if she were a lifeline.  
  
Finally Matt cleared his throat. "I know this is really uncomfortable, but maybe we should.well."  
  
"Start?" Matt nodded and Edge gave a decisive nod. "Okay, what do you know?"  
  
"Well," Jeff said, taking a deep breath. "Y'all know what I said earlier about Christian looking like he used to, as if he'd let his guard down. Well, that's nothing compared to the look I saw in his eye before he went out to the match."  
  
Lita frowned, sitting up a little, a small smile gracing her lips as Edge tightened his hold, afraid that she might move from his knee. "How do you mean, Jeff?"  
  
"Well, y'all know I got a phone call from Gramma just before Edge's match started." Edge hadn't known this, due to the fact that he was about to go on stage but refrained from saying anything, hoping that Jeff would hurry up and get to the point. "Well, I went for a walk so's I wouldn' disturb y'all watchin' the match and as I was headin' back, I saw Lance, Christian and Test waitin' by the curtain. Lance and Test were pissed about somethin' but Christian just didn't seem to care."  
  
Something made Jeff stop and look down at his hands, as if unsure how to phrase his next sentence. Lita saw the panic rise in Edge's eyes and turned to face the bed. "What, Jeff?"  
  
"Test. He threatened Christian. Said he better win the match or he'd be introducin' him to a world of pain."  
  
Matt frowned. "I'm sure Christian's been threatened like that before."  
  
"That's my point."  
  
At the confused look on everyone's faces, Jeff sighed, knowing he was actually going to have to spell out his suspicions. "The look on Christian's face.the look in his eyes. That was more that just fear of Test, it was blatant terror. I.I think Christian was hidin' a lot more from us back then than we thought."  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~  
  
End Part Nine  
  
~x~x~x~x~x~ 


	11. Part 10

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ wwekyizific@hotmail.com_

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

Part Ten 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

Christian glared at the title belt that was taunting him from the corner of the room. He had ruined his brother's dream, and why? To save his own skin…again. He gulped his beer, downing it as quickly as he could and picking up another. He hated beer, it had one of the most foul tastes he'd ever experienced, but it did the job; it got him so drunk he could forget about everything for a while.

There was a rushed knock at the door and he instantly dropped the offending bottle and quickly made his way to the entrance, knocking into a table along the way. It was her, just as he'd suspected. He quickly pulled her inside and glanced around the hallway, making sure that no one had seen her there; that no one would suspect she was with him.

"What are you doing here?" he all but slurred at her.

"Christian," she frowned. "I wish you wouldn't do that."

"Do what?" he asked, making his way back to the chair he had been sitting in, knowing full well what she was talking about.

"You know fine well what I mean," she said angrily, pulling the beer bottle from his hands. "This won't solve anything."

"No, but it might make me forget."

At the soft-spoken words, she frowned and sat on his lap. "I'm so sorry," she said, then laughed grimly. "Who would have thought I'd ever be commiserating about you winning a match, and the titles as well."

"Well, who would have thought I'd turn on my brother. That…" he stopped, unable to continue and she pulled him closer, feeling his tears on her neck as she cried some of her own.

She had no idea how deep his pain went, had no idea of what he had gone through, but if it was anything like the pain he had saved her from, then she couldn't believe he'd been able to keep it all inside. For her it had only happened a few times, for him, he'd been living with it for months, maybe longer. She had no idea and he wasn't talking.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, pulling away slightly. "I'm so sorry."

"Never be sorry," she said firmly. "Never be sorry for what they did to you. It was not your fault, it was them. It was all them."

He turned away from her and tears fell down her cheek. She turned his face around with her index finger and kissed the tip of his nose. A moment later she covered his mouth with her own, driving all her anger, all her sorrow and all her love into the kiss, and for a while, Christian was able to forget everything but her.

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

There was a light, it shone so brightly that the room seemed never-ending; it was there and yet it wasn't; in fact, it only seemed to exist in his mind. It was the place he would go to when the world got too tough for him. It existed as a part of him, the large part of him that seemed to be taking over who he was. It engulfed the laughter, the jokes, the smiles, the friendships…even the family. Everything was the light. It wasn't a pleasant light, because if it was nice then that would mean that he deserved to have something he liked, and he didn't. His world had become harsh and cold and  so must the part of him that existed out with that. 

_He was aware that there were people around him; people that he loved and he was so grateful to have an autopilot to get him through these parts of his day. The parts that allowed him to see there was more to life. More to life for everyone else, that was. Not for him. He didn't deserve to have more. He deserved to rot in the light, burn in it's intensity as it increased. _

_He was vaguely aware of the joking, the laughing and the people. Some might have been his friends, one might even have been his brother, but that didn't matter. They dulled the light and he had to leave. _

_He didn't remember standing, he didn't remember moving, but he wasn't in the same place anymore, and the light was getting brighter. There were harsh voices; they surrounded him now; the voices and the fists and the clothes being torn from his body. The hands were there, so many hands, ones that left a dirty mark on his soul. They clawed at him, they toyed with him, they played with him, they hurt him and they forced him. _

_He thought it would get easier, thought it wouldn't happen again. But they enjoyed it, their sick perversions made him weak and he hated himself for it. He hated himself for allowing it to happen, he hated his friends and his family for living in happiness, he hated them for not seeing what was going on, but most of all, he just hated himself._

_He knew he was covered in blood and bruises and the smell of sex hung in the air. It made him sick. The smells and sounds were closing in on him, the forced pain was closing in on him and no matter how he tried to distance himself, it didn't work. He was there, he was a part of this, they were forcing it on him and the light had dulled._

_The light grew brightest around the people he loved, it sheltered them from this, this part of him that he knew they could never heal and never understand. But it was here that the light dulled. He tried to maintain the harshness in their presence, tried to use it to force what they were doing to him out of his mind; but it didn't work. It didn't work and that was killing him. They were killing him._

_He was weak and he knew that, he was something that didn't deserve to live or breathe outside of this. He was being punished for something. He didn't know what, but it had to be bad, it had to be something that was so bad he deserved a fate worse that death, because that's what it was. A fate worse than death. _

_Death. _

_Such a simple word._

_Such a simple act._

_He had tried it before._

_It had never worked._

_But, maybe now…_

_Maybe…_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

End Part Ten 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	12. Part 11

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ kyizifanfic@hotmail.com _

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

Part Eleven 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

Lita shifted in her sleep and Edge smiled as she wrinkled up her nose. It had been late by the time they had finished discussing their theories on his brother, and by that time, the redhead had already fallen asleep, meaning that Edge had to either move her or wake her. He chose neither and decided to stay where he was. Or actually, the Hardy brothers had, and they were better judges of what Lita was like when awoken from slumber early. 

He absentmindedly stroked her hair and she leaned into his touch. He wished that his whole life could be that simple; action and reaction, there to see and simple as reaching out and doing what you wanted to do. But it wasn't. His thoughts were so muddled that he didn't know what to think anymore. Then again, his thoughts and actions where Lita was concerned were anything but simple either.

He couldn't help his mind drifting back through the events of the last year; through everything that his brother had done. If it was just as plain and simple as it seemed, why was Christian 'pretending' it wasn't? What was it that Christian was hoping to achieve by making them think he was a 'good guy' again? But the main thing that plagued his mind was that maybe Christian wasn't pretending.

Edge trusted Jeff's judgement of people more than anyone else's. The younger man seemed to have a sixth sense where emotions were concerned; he was hypersensitive to them. But it wasn't just Jeff's opinion, although that had started the whole thing, it was his own as well. When he thought back to the time just before Christian had attacked him, there had been something going on. Christian had always been a good actor, perhaps that was why Edge had never known…or had he? 

He remembered so much more now that he had ever realised back then. The way Christian no longer held his head high like he was finally fulfilling his childhood dream – and that was what they had been doing, fulfilling that dream. Christian had stopped going out with them, had stopped laughing so much, had stopped caring. He was jumpy whenever anyone approached him without warning, almost to the point where Edge had found it funny. 

Edge closed his eyes. He had found it funny. His brother had quite possibly been hurting and Edge had done nothing but laugh it off and ignore it. 

"Edge?"

The mumble brought him back to the present with a painful jerk, as he smacked his head off the headboard of the bed. "Ouch."

"Are you okay?" 

Lita instantly reached her hands up to rub at his head, and it was all he could do not to look down her top at the new angle he was facing. Feeling himself blushing profusely (_Thank God it's dark!_), he pulled her hands back and smiled at her.

"I'm fine."

"I didn't mean to startle you," she continued, her voice in a near whisper.

"It's okay, I was just…thinking."

Lita nodded her head, but didn't speak right away. She knew what he was thinking about. They lay in silence for a short time, their legs still intertwined, hands still held together between them. And it wasn't until Edge let out a sigh that Lita moved at all, wrapping her arms around him and settling her head on his chest.

"I just don't know what to think, Lita." Edge ran a hand through his hair and the other slowly up and down her back. "I thought I understood, I thought that everything was black and white. Christian was not my brother anymore, he hated me, our lives were set apart now, he turned on me, he turned on my family, and he did it all of his own free will, because he wanted to. And now?" he laughed humourlessly. "Now there might be more to it, and I just don't know what I can do about it."

Lita sighed. "Things are never really black and white Edge, no matter how much we might wish them to be."

"I know. But that doesn't make me wish it any less."

Lita propped herself carefully on one elbow and looked into his eyes. "I wish it too, Edge. I wish that I could make your life simple again. But you know what?" He furrowed his brow but didn't speak. "What I wish most of all, the one thing that I've wanted to give to you for the last year, is your brother. Because Christian is the one thing that you need the most, he's the one thing that you _miss_ and _love_ the most in life, and you don't have that anymore." He opened his mouth, but she didn't let him speak. "But you could."

"I don't think I can, Lita." He reached out a hand to brush aside her tears, as she did the same for him.

"I think you owe it to yourself to try, Edge." She smiled sadly. "And if Christian did have a reason, if he did this for some other purpose, then maybe you owe it to _him_ to try as well."

Edge didn't reply and Lita remained silent, letting her words sink in for a moment. A few seconds later he relaxed, as if her words had taken all the resolve he had left and he nodded his head. He looked up at her, and stroked a finger around the outline of her face, smiling faintly as her breath hitched. 

  
"Doesn't that hurt your neck? Leaning like that," he asked softly, as his fingers moved further down and onto her neck.

"A little," she admitted. 

Within seconds he had turned them over so that she was lying on the bed and he was leaning over her. "Better?" he asked, his voice sounding husky, even to his own ears.

She nodded and he smiled, neither of them speaking again, as if to do so would break the almost tangible energy that seemed to have surrounded them. He leaned forward, so slowly that Lita wasn't sure he was moving at all, at least not until he was so close that she could feel his shaky breaths on her face. He seemed to be waiting for her approval before moving any closer.

She smiled up at him and he returned it before slowly leaning forward and capturing her lips with his own. It was a gentle kiss, full of hesitation and promise, but it took her breath away, and judging by his breathing, the same was true of him. He move to pull back a little and she wrapped her arms around his neck, not giving him the chance to pull away, instead crushing him into her.

She felt a chuckle in his throat, but it died there as her tongue entered his mouth, being replaced instead by what sounded like a growl. His hands seemed to be everywhere all at once and Lita could feel the passion in his kiss.

There was a rapping at the door and they pulled apart, like teenagers found necking in a school supply closet. Lita glanced at him and he surreptitiously ran his hands through his hair, clearing his throat before he stood to answer the door. She risked a giggle and smiled broadly when he turned to her with a smile, shaking his head. 

She sat up and glanced at the clock, frowning when she saw it reading 4am. There was someone at her door and it was 4am. She glanced at Jeff and Matt, asleep in their respective positions of the couch and the floor. It would take a tornado to wake either of the brothers, and even then it was debatable. But if they were sleeping, then who was at her door? 

She turned her attention to Edge as he turned the door handle, standing to approach when she saw who was there. There was no reason for this person to be there, no reason at all. But she was there, standing in the doorway in an oversized shirt, crying so hard that her eyes were swollen and red raw.

"Torrie?"

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End of Part Eleven 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	13. Part 12

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

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**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

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**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ kyizifanfic@hotmail.com _

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

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Part Twelve 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I-I didn't want to come, but, but he won't wake up and he's screaming and the blood and-"

"Torrie, what's wrong?"

Edge pulled the sobbing woman into the room and Lita kicked the elder Hardy on her way past, waking him up. When Matt saw Torrie and the state she was in, he shook Jeff awake, making him move over as Edge and Lita walked her to the couch.

  
"You have to call an ambulance, I can't-can't find his phone and-"

"Torrie, calm down," Lita said, exchanging a worried glance with Edge. "You need to explain. Who's hurt, who needs an ambulance?"

"C-Christian does."

The room was silent and they all looked at each other. Lita didn't understand how Torrie could know Christian very well, let alone how she could know he needed medical attention in the middle of the night. But she didn't care.  
  
"What room?"

"407." Torrie couldn't stop shaking, even though Jeff had draped the blanket he had been sleeping with around her.

"Okay, Jeff, call an ambulance. Matt, stay with her. Edge?" Lita waited until Edge's stunned face was looking at her. He took a deep breath and nodded as Jeff ran to the phone on the bedside table. They stood to leave and were at the door when Matt's call stopped them. 

"Torrie, you should stay here, we-"

"No!" For all the power her crying had, it was nothing to the anger in her voice. "He's all I have and I'm all he has, I'm not leaving him! I can't believe I already did, but the phone was disconnected and all I could think of was getting an ambulance."

"It's okay, Torrie, you can come with us." Lita pulled the other woman's arm as both Hardy's joined them at the door.

"Ambulance is on its way," Jeff said, and the five of them ran down the hall to room 407.

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

He wasn't sure what he had expected, but this wasn't it. Edge glanced again at his brother's writhing form. He seemed to be stuck in some nightmare that no one was able to wake him from. His eyes were open but he wasn't seeing any of them. 

The blood was messy, but the cuts to his wrist were the wrong direction for it to have killed him, for which Edge was eternally grateful, but he couldn't forget the scars that were. As he had tried to clean the mess, to stop the bleeding before the ambulance arrived, he had noted other such scars. And some of them were the right way. They were too thin to be noticed clearly enough and the bottle of fake tan on Christian's bedside cabinet would have been more than enough to hide them from prying eyes. Or caring eyes. The scars were old; old enough that he _should_ have noticed them. Old enough that he should have cared enough to see them.

Edge stared at his brother wide-eyed, aware that Torrie was clutching Christian's head on her lap, murmuring to him. But Christian wasn't aware of it, all he was doing was screaming and shouting about hands and light and making it all end. His eyes were wild and it shook Edge to his core. They were lost, vacant, as if no one had lived there for such a long time and Edge felt his chest heave, fully aware now that he was sobbing.

Lita was behind him, but he knew she likely had her eyes shut. The pain in Christian's face and the blood and the razor blades by his sides were too much. It was too much and he almost retched right there and then. He knew that the Hardy brothers were waiting for the ambulance, one at the bedroom door and one in the foyer, but he was too out of it to know which one was where, or to even care. All he knew was that the sirens were getting louder, but his brother's cries were all but deafening them. 

There was a crowd at the door, his fellow wrestlers and some strangers, but to be honest, when he had first heard his brother's heart wrenching cries they had all been strangers, just faces in a sea of people that he didn't want to see and only had to part in order to get through.

There were paramedics behind him, people who could help, but he didn't want to move. His brother was dying before him; was ripping apart at the seams and he was transfixed by the horror and pain.

He became vaguely aware of Lita talking in his ear, coaxing him to stand, and he did. He stood and he stepped back, but he didn't make the pain stop and it didn't bring any life back into his brother's eyes.

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End of Part Twelve 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	14. Part 13

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ kyizifanfic@hotmail.com _

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

**_Chapter Note: _**_I had to choose a surname for Edge and Christian, and I really want to keep this in the land of fic, so, I've just picked a random one. Same goes with Edge's 'real' first name._

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

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Part Thirteen 

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_~x~x~x~x~x~_

Lita hated hospitals, she had ever since she was a child and had had to watch her grandfather slowly withering to nothing on endless amounts of tubes and drugs and machines that beeped his life away. She hated the smell, the light, the sound and the lifelessness of it all. She had vowed to herself to avoid them as much as she could, especially since her surgery when she had been forced to stay, to visit, to mend. But she was there by choice and nothing was tearing her away.

"Hey."

She looked up as she saw Matt handing Torrie Wilson a cup of what she assumed was coffee. He glanced at her and she tried to smile, but couldn't. She was cradling Edge in her arms, but he no longer seemed aware of the fact that she was there. He had slumped into the chair and simply allowed her to pull him onto her shoulders. That had been over an hour ago, and no one had moved from the waiting room since then, apart from Matt. 

"How you holdin' up?"

Torrie didn't reply and Matt sat beside her. Lita knew what a wonderful support Matt was to have, and she was thankful that the petite blonde had him beside her. They still didn't know anything more than what they had speculated in their hotel room about five hours prior. Torrie had been in no state to fill them in on anything, and Lita now had more questions than before, and even less answers.

"Mr. Phillips?"

Edge jumped up and walked straight toward the doctor, Lita following close behind. She noticed from the corner of her vision that Torrie was close beside them, and looking none too steady in her feet. 

"I'm Edward Phillips. How's my brother?" 

The doctor sighed, and Lita realised just how stressed she really was when she was struck more by hearing Edge use his real name than the fact that they were anxiously waiting for news on his estranged brother. The doctor motioned for Edge to follow him into the hall, obviously for privacy, but Edge shook his head.

"I'm Doctor Stamford, I treated your brother from the moment he arrived." Doctor Stamford paused, letting the information sink in. "Your brother has suffered from severe blood loss and his body is in shock. We've done what we can, and physically, he should make a full recovery.

"However, I'm a lot more worried about his psychological problems. He seems to have receded into a self imposed coma. He may appear to be awake, but he is so trapped in his own mind that he can't see anything that's in front of him. He's reliving some traumatic experience over and over and I'm very concerned about what the long term out look will be if we can't get him out of it soon."

Torrie had hitched a few sobs, but other than that, no one had moved. Edge clenched his fists at his sides, and his breathing was laboured. Lita placed a hand on his shoulder and he inhaled a deep breath, glancing at her momentarily in thanks before turning back to the doctor. 

"What can we do?"

"Do you have any idea what it could be that is causing him so much distress?" 

Edge paused for a moment and shook his head. "I, that is, we…we haven't been close for a long time." His voice was quiet and Lita wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"Is there anyone who might know?"

There was silence as the doctor looked at them all in turn. Edge glanced at Lita before turning to Torrie, a questioning look in his eyes. She instantly broke down, and Matt steadied her, but a few moments later, Edge had crossed the gap between them and pulled Torrie into his arms. 

Edge held onto the thin blonde for a long time until she had quieted and her breathing had steadied somewhat. He gently steered her into one of the chairs and sat back slightly from her, holding onto her shoulders and looking strongly into her eyes.

"I need to know, Torrie. I need to know what happened to my brother."

* * *

Christian yawned and picked up his bag, shrugging it onto his shoulders. He was exhausted, and where his half hour shower had helped sooth his aching muscles, it hadn't helped wake him up any, in fact, he felt more tired than he had coming out of his match.

_As he closed the door of his and Edge's locker room, he noticed that the hallway was empty, not that he was surprised; he doubted that there were any wrestlers left except him. He loved to take his time in the shower, and he had definitely felt the need that night, so he had just told Edge to head off, and he would catch up later._

_He walked leisurely down the hallways, passing few people on his way to the car park, and he didn't really notice anything else. He didn't notice the pair of eyes that was following his every move. Perhaps if he had, he wouldn't have ended up the way he did. _

_He still remembered being pulled into the boot of the car. He still remembered being locked in there until he fell asleep out of pure exhaustion and fear. He still remembered waking up, tied to a chair._

_The room was dark and there were no windows, merely a crack of light coming from the bottom of the doorway. The chair was weighed down so that he couldn't move it and the ropes were so tight that they cut into his wrists and ankles, and no amount of movement would release him._

_Noises. It was definitely the noises that kept him on edge. The sudden movements from the hallway, the banging from above him, the scratching against the walls; it was all driving him insane. Until _he_ came. When that happened, Christian would have given anything to go back to the sudden noises and fear the unknown. Because that was better than what he knew._

_The first time, Christian wasn't sure what was worse, the pain in his wrists and ankles as the writhed against the wall he had been tied to, or the pain of being entered, being used and beaten. He vaguely heard screams of agony, of torturous thoughts, and only dimly realised that they were his. _

_He lived by the moment, by the hopes that who ever it was would stop and leave him alone. Time seemed to have stretched and he wasn't even sure how long ago it had been that he had last spoken to anyone, had last seen daylight, or even had something to eat or drink that wasn't forced down his throat._

What scared Christian the most though, was the identity of this man that had stripped him of more than just his clothing. It wasn't that he didn't want to know, it was that he had the feeling he already did know. And the day he was given back the light, the day he was given back his clothes and his phone, he lost so much more. He lost the delusion that it would all be over. Because he saw that face and he heard that voice.

_"If you don't do exactly what I say, you are in for a world of pain, boy."_

Christian gasped for breath. His memories had seemed more real this time. He had lived them again, had felt every injury, every ounce of pain and every heartache all over again. 

He glanced around, realising that he was in a hospital room and his first thought was that someone had found him. He was free of the small basement room, free of the pain of being bound so tightly and free of being raped. 

Someone had come for him and Edge would soon be there and his brother would look after him, just as he always had. But those thoughts had only lasted a few moments, before everything came back to him, before he remembered just how he had failed his big brother, and Christian had to fight back the tears he had never shed, and put his act back in place.

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End of Part Thirteen 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	15. Part 14

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ kyizifanfic@hotmail.com _

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

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Part Fourteen 

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_~x~x~x~x~x~_

Edge gripped onto the sides of his head as he gently rocked back and forth. He could vaguely feel Lita's arms gripping his shoulders, but all he knew was that he had failed his little brother. How could he not have seen it? How could he had missed something so important? His little brother's world had been shattered into nothing and he had missed it. He had seen the empty shell that Christian had become and not even noticed it.

"Mr. Phillips?"

Edge was barely able to pull his head up from his knees without retching. He looked at the nurse approaching them and sat up straighter, taking Lita's hand when she offered it.

"Mr. Phillips?" Edge nodded and the nurse smiled sympathetically. "Your brother is awake."

* * *

Christian rubbed gently at his eyes, but the light was still harsh. It felt as though he really had been trapped in that little room again, even to his senses. He blocked out that line of thought before he could get caught up in it, and turned as the door opened. 

He bit back a gasp as his eyes widened. Edge was standing in the doorway, looking unsure. They locked eyes, but neither said anything, and Christian was sure his brother was about to turn and run, but a hand gently pushed him inside. Lita's hand. They both entered, followed by the Hardy brothers. And Torrie.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" he asked, mustering as much spite as he could, but even he knew that it didn't come out that way. He sounded just as shocked and worried as he felt.

"C-Christian? Are you all right?" 

He turned at the sound of Torrie's voice, and he knew in an instant that she was the reason that Edge and the others were there. He could see the fear in her eyes. She wasn't sure if she had done the right thing, and to be honest, neither was he, but she had acted on what she had thought was best, and he could never hold that against her.

"Come here, sweetie," he said softly, and she fell into his arms, clutching at his chest and sobbing almost hysterically. "Shhh, it's okay."

"No!" she cried, with a sudden anger that caught him off guard. "It's not all right! What if I hadn't been able to find Edge? What if no one would help me because you pushed them all away when all you had to do was tell them the truth? All you had to do was-"

"Stop it, Torrie," he said softly. He wouldn't listen to her. He couldn't listen to her. Edge hated him. That was the way it was meant to be, and nothing could change that.

"Why didn't you tell me, Chris?"

Christian's eyes widened as he turned to look at his brother, and it was then that he noticed that Edge had been crying. His brother was looking at him with a mixture of shock and compassion, and it struck Christian as to why they were here. He knew. They all knew.

"Get out."

Torrie pulled back and looked at him, shocked. She glanced at the others and they all appeared shocked. All except Edge.

"No, Christian, I'm not going anywhere. It won't work this time. You won't make me hate you."

"I said get out! All of you!"

Edge turned to the others and nodded that they should all leave. He looked at Torrie, who looked like wild horses couldn't drag her from Christian's side, but after a moment under Edge's gaze, she nodded. Torrie leaned forward and gently kissed Christian on the cheek, before following the others out of the room and leaving Christian alone with his brother for the first time in a year.

There was silence as Edge took a seat on Christian's bed, staring at his brother. Christian, glared at the wall, unwilling to let himself look at his brother. He didn't want this. He didn't need it. He was doing fine on his own.

"Christian, look at me."

"Go to hell."

Edge sighed. "Well, this is getting things off to a good start."

"Just leave, Edge. Just leave."

"No."

Christian finally turned, his eyes blazing with so much anger and resentment that Edge was startled. "Why not? Just go! You're good at that. One little push is all you need. You don't see what you don't want to, Ed, so why start now?"

"Because it's been pushed in front of my face and I don't want to ignore it. I want to see it, I want to-"

"You _want_ to see it?" Christian yelled. "You _want _those imaged floating around your head? Are you sure about that? You want them to haunt your dreams, invade your mind when you least expect it? Turn you into a scared rabbit? Take away everyone you ever loved and cared about? Make them hate you as much as you hate yourself, because you know you deserved it. To lose all-"

"You _didn't_ deserve it, Christian!"

"Shut up!"

Edge was silent for a moment, taking in the scared expression that had come across his brother's face when he had said it wasn't Christian's fault. And that was when it hit him. He understood.

"My, God." Edge closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at Christian. "It was not your fault."

"Shut up, Edge!"

"It wasn't your fault."

"Get out!"

"No. It wasn't your fault."

"Edge, stop. Get out."

"You aren't to blame, Christian."

"Leave me alone. Just go home and get out of here."

"It wasn't your fault."

"How would you know?" Christian cried, his anger suddenly back. "I was gone for four days and you bought some line about meeting a girl after the show? I was in pain with every single step I took and you believed it was just from after the show?"

"I believed it because you wanted me to. I believed it because-"

"Because you didn't want to know any different, Edge. You believed it because you didn't care enough to find out the truth. You believed it because I wanted you to,. But you knew it wasn't the truth."

"You're right. But I never pried when you were being secretive, because it always ended up with us fighting for days."

"Just go, Ed, just leave."

"No. I didn't pry back them because I thought you'd get angry at me. Well, you're already angry at me, and I care too much to let it slide."

"No, you don't, You hate me. Why are you here?" Christian yelled.

"I'm here because you're my brother and I love you. I don't hate you, Chris, you wanted me to hate you so that you could hate yourself."

"Shut up!" Christian sat up straighter, hoping that Edge would take the threat. "You don't know anything, Edge, just leave."

"I know how your mind works, little brother. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me."

"Why? So that you can go beat up the bad guy? Just like when we were kids, huh? You'd make sure that I was taken care of. You'd fight my battles, take them blame when I did something wrong, made sure that no one ever hurt me or they'd deal with you, is that it?" Christian laughed, but there was no humour in the sound. "Not this time, Edge. I was to blame and you can't just take that away from me. You can't-"

"It wasn't your fault, Chris. I know that's what you want me to think, isn't it? You had to make sure I'd hate you so that you could hate yourself in peace. You knew fine well that if I knew I'd never let you fall into this rut. I'd never let you blame yourself, so you had to make me hate you. Even after you turned on me, you knew I was only pissed, you know I didn't really hate you, that's why you used Mom. You knew I'd never forgive you for that. You knew that would make me hate you."

"Get out." 

Christian looked terrified, but Edge didn't stop. "I don't hate you anymore, Chris, not after what Torrie told us. I won't let you keep hating yourself. Just tell me. Tell me what I didn't ask about a year ago. It wasn't your fault, Chris, and I don't hate you."

"Tell you? Tell you what? Tell you how terrified I was in that little room? Tell you that even though I was scared shitless, some little part of me kept thinking, 'It's okay, Edge will come for me, he always looks after me'. Tell you how every time I heard a noise, I was more scared that it wasn't you than of what it actually was? Tell you that every time _he _came into that room, I thought, for just one moment, I thought it was you coming to get me? 

"Tell you how he raped me? Tell you how it felt like I was being torn apart? Tell you what it felt like? Tell you how he made me scream for him to leave me alone? Tell you how I begged for him to let you come and get me? Tell him how I begged for him not to tell you what he was doing to me, because he said you'd be so ashamed of me, and I believe him? 

"What do you want to know, Eddie? Do you want to know how much he scared me? How much he told me it was all my own fault every time he raped me? Every time he pushed himself inside me, I'd scream and he'd just tell me it was my own fault. My fault. You couldn't take the blame, it was my fault. My fault!"

Edge was crying and so was Christian, but the younger didn't seem to be aware of it. Didn't seem to notice that he was finally letting someone in. Edge reached out for his brother, trying to pull the younger man into his embrace, but Christian fought him.

"No! Just go, just leave me alone!"

Edge pulled harder until Christian's head was on his shoulder. He held onto his brother tightly, and after a few moments, Christian gripped a hold of him as well, and didn't let go for a long time.

"It wasn't your fault, Christian, and I'm not ashamed of you. I'm your brother, and I love you."

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End of Part Fourteen 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	16. Part 15

**In A Breath**

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**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ kyizifanfic@hotmail.com _

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

Part Fifteen 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

Lita rubbed at her eyes as she crossed the room, sitting next to Torrie. She reached out an arm, laying it over the blonde's shoulders, startling her out of her reverie.

"How is he? How's Christian?"

Lita sighed, trying not to remember the haunted looks on Edge and Christian's faces when she had been in the small room. "They're…together."

Torrie smiled slightly before breaking down. Lita pulled the woman into her arms and just let her cry. "I knew Edge would help, I knew he would, but Christian wouldn't let me tell him, wouldn't tell him himself. I tried to get him to talk about it, but I knew Edge was the only one he'd talk properly with. But Christian knew that himself, and he didn't want to talk."

"Torrie," Lita said, pulling back to look into the girl's face. "I still don't understand where you fit in to all of this."

Torrie looked at the ground, seeming to not want anyone to meet her eyes. "I, well…he saved me." She laughed a little. "A man who needed so much saving himself, and he saved me from them. He got me out of the Alliance, said I needed to keep away from them or they'd keep hurting me. At first, I didn't realise that he wa talking from experience. I didn't know. But…but he kept Shane and the others away from me and he protected me…and we fell in love." Torrie smiled and looked up at Lita. 

"I know it's not the romance everyone dreams of. We're both broken in a way, but he put me back together. I guess he helped me where I can't help him. Because he got me away, I couldn't do the same for him. All I could do was fix him up when he'd let me and hold him when he'd let me…and always love him."

"Oh my, God." Lita stood up, glancing at Matt and Jeff, who had also been listening to the conversation. "Torrie what did you mean when you said you couldn't do the same for him? You said you couldn't get him away. Torrie, is this still happening?  Is…is Christian still being…hurt?"

Torrie looked away for a moment before turning to look Lita straight in the eyes. Her tears were falling again as she nodded. "Yes."

* * *

It had seemed like hours since Christian had finally let himself go, had finally let himself cry. Edge didn't know when he, himself had stopped crying, but he knew that if his eyes were any indication, then Christian's eyes must be red raw, swollen and painful.

There was a gentle tap at the door, and Edge could fell Christian tensing in his arms. He gripped his brother tighter and turned to look, thinking it was just Lita returning with coffee or something. 

He got a surprise when the door opened and both Lita and Torrie entered. He still didn't know what role Torrie had to play in this whole thing, but he figured that she meant a lot to Christian and vice versa, if she actually knew all of this. Christian pulled back a little and smiled up at Torrie, and the look in his brother's eyes confirmed Edge's suspicion.

"Hey," Christian said softly, and the pain in his voice almost broke Edge's heart all over again. His throat was dry and scratchy from crying so much. Torrie took one look at him and launched herself into Christian's arms as Edge stood up, indicating for Lita to join him. She looked worried and he wanted to know why.

"What's up?" he asked her softly as she wrapped her arms around him. 

"I-I don't know how to tell you this, or even if I should but…"

"Lita, I think I should." They both turned to look at Torrie as she turned back to face Christian. "I'm so sorry, sweetie, but they had to know."

"It's okay," Christian said softly. "You only did what you thought was best."

"I know, and that's why they had to know it was still happening."

"What?" 

Edge was barely aware that he and Christian had spoken in unison. "It's still happening?" He looked at his brother's shell shocked face. "Chris, it's still happening?"

"I had to tell them, Christian, they can make it stop, they can-"

"No!" Christian yelled, trying to get out of the bed. "You can't have. He'll-he'll-"

"He'll never hurt you again. Who is it, Christian?" Edge gripped his brother's shoulder, unaware as to when he had even moved from Lita's embrace.

"No!"

"I promise you, he'll never hurt you again, now-"

"It's not me I care about!"

Edge stared into his brother's eyes in shock. "What-what do you mean?"

"You have to leave, Eddie, you have to get out of here and protect…you just have to leave."

"Oh my, God." Edge took a deep breath. "Mom. That's why you said there had been an accident. You weren't trying to make me hate you; you were trying to warn me. And I missed it again."

"You have to get out, you have to…I won't let him hurt her, I-"

"What does he have on her?"

"What does he have on her?" Christian laughed wildly. "A gun, Edge. He has a gun on her. He can't have his perfect reputation ruined by having anyone find out, now can he? So he needed some leverage. And a gun on you and mom was the best way to-"

"On me?" Christian didn't reply and Edge tightened his grip on his brother's shoulders. "Who is he, Christian? Who did this to you?"

"I can't, I-"

The door opened and Christian saw the Hardy brother's for the first time. They closed the door quickly and Edge noticed that they both looked a little unsure and worried. At first Edge thought it was that they might be worried how Christian would react to them being there, but he wasn't so sure.

"What?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know if it's important or anything," Jeff started. "But, William Regal is at reception looking for Christian."

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End of Part Fifteen 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	17. Part 16

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ kyizifanfic@hotmail.com _

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

****

Part Sixteen 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

"Get out of here! You have to get out of here!" Christian shouted wildly, trying to get up.

"Regal?" Edge asked, his voice hardening. "It's Regal?" 

From the look on her face, not even Torrie had know the man's identity, but Christian's reaction was enough to confirm it. Edge shook Christian a little and motioned for him to stay still. He turned to the Hardy brothers and stood up.

"Was Regal alone?"

"No," Matt replied, "Test and Lance are with him."

Edge frowned. "Do they have anything to do with it?" Christian shook his head, and where Edge could see that his brother was scared of the two men, he believed that Regal was acting alone. He turned back to the Hardy's. "I think it's time I had a little chat with William Regal."

"Edge, no!"

Edge turned to his brother. "Christian, I've failed to protect you for over a year. It's time I started acting like your brother again. This wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. It's Regal's fault and it's time he paid for it."

"But Mom, you, he has-"

"He's likely been lying to you, Christian. But I'll make it blatantly clear that he had better stay away from our family."

"Not now, Edge." Christian pleaded. "Please."

Edge seemed like he was about to protest again, but Lita placed a hand on his arm and shook her head. He knew he wasn't thinking rationally and that Lita was likely right, but that didn't make his anger dissipate. He still wanted to kill William Regal. He wanted to punish the man, humiliate him and make him scream in agony until it all became too much to bear. He wanted William Regal to feel the pain that the man had inflicted on his brother. But Lita and Christian were right. Now wasn't the time. Christian needed to rest and Edge needed to calm down before he ended up in jail for something he _wouldn't_ regret.

"Okay," he said finally. "Okay. Not now." Christian let out a breath and Edge nodded. "But you need to understand that I will not be letting this lie. Regal will pay for what he put you through. I will make sure he does."

Edge could see the fear was still in Christian's eyes, he could see that his brother still thought the man would hurt him. Edge wouldn't let that happen, not ever again and his brother seemed to be searching his eyes to see if that was the case. Christian finally nodded and Edge smiled at him, and although it was weak, Christian smiled back. 

* * *

Christian sighed and rubbed his eyes. He felt like he had been trapped in the hospital room for months. Well, he wasn't far off. It had been three weeks and he was still having the nightmares, he was still having 'psychotic episodes' and he was still terrified every time the door opened. 

He was beginning to hate himself all over again. He had been living with it for over a year, and he had been coping. Admittedly, not all that well at time, but where before he had always been afraid for himself (and eventually Torrie), he was now afraid for his family and friends.

He sighed. That was the reason he had distanced himself from them. He knew there was no way he would be able to protect them from what Regal had threatened to do to them, so he had pushed them away. His brother might have been clueless for a long time, but Christian knew that Edge would have eventually figured out that something was seriously wrong, and if there was one thing Edge could do, it was get information from him when he least wanted to divulge. Hence, why every present he had received for the most part of his life hadn't been a surprise.

He had felt sure that what he had done to Edge, while it made him sick to the stomach, would ensure that Edge would never speak to him again. If Edge never spoke to him again, Edge couldn't find the truth and he would be safe. So long as Christian did as he was told.

Christian suddenly realised that he was crying and instantly cursed. He seemed unable to stop crying lately. Relief, anger, pain, memories; everything seemed to set him off. He was only glad that the doctors had informed everyone that he needed time to heal, otherwise the company would have insisted he go with them, and that would have meant facing Regal.

The man had ruled over his life for so long, telling him what to do with his personal life, his career, everything. Although, if he had never been forced to join the Alliance, he would never have been in the position to help Torrie…or fall in love with her, so he couldn't regret that part.

Christian knew facing Regal would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do. It was one thing to do what the man wanted when he was doing it to keep everyone he loved safe, but it was another thing when Edge knew. There had just been something in his brother's eyes that told him Edge would protect him. Like he always had done. Protection. It seemed like such a foreign concept to him now, at least with him on the receiving end. He had been protecting everyone else for so long, he had forgotten what it was really like to be protected. 

  
Christian leaned his head back on the pillows and closed his eyes. He didn't know what he felt anymore. There were no secrets anymore, there was nothing for him to hide. His brother was with him again, his brother was getting to know him again and he was allowed to feel again. He was allowed to love, and be able to show it again. But that wasn't as easy as it sounded.

While it was a relief for him to be able to be himself again, he no longer knew who he was anymore. How could he be a person that he didn't even know? He had been moving in a circle of lies and living inside a hollow shell for so long, that he didn't know how to escape from it. It was slow and it was heartbreaking at times, and he often wanted to give up. But he wouldn't. He was going to get through this. For himself and Torrie…but most of all, he was going to get through this for Edge. 

Lita had told him that all Edge wanted was his brother back, and Christian was going to make damn sure that Edge got his wish.

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End of Part Sixteen 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

**_Chapter Note: _**_I want to state that I hated having to make anyone the bad guy in this, but it needed to be done! I want to personally apologise to the character of William Regal, but, hey, it had to be someone!_


	18. Part 17

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

The hallway was filled with incessant chatter, and Lita smiled at the security guard as she passed him, making her way to Edge's locker room. Christian was getting out of the hospital in three days, and they were all flying out to meet him later on that night. She had never seen Edge so happy, not in such a long time. He was finally going to get his wish, he was going to get his brother back.

She skipped along the hall a little and stopped suddenly when she heard voices she recognised. Test, Lance...and William Regal. Her heart began to thud in her chest and she slipped into the space behind a can machine, hoping to remain hidden while they passed. 

"...hospital. Apparently he's getting released tonight."

"I thought he was insane?" Lance said as they stopped at the machine while Test got a drink. "Why would they let him out?"

"I dunno." Test replied. "Who cares. The idiot's a nut case and Regal's got his place now, we don't really need him anyway."

"I disagree." Regal said in a tone that sent a shiver down Lita's spine. "I think we should pay our _dear friend_ a little visit tonight. What do you say?" 

Lance and Test laughed and Lita wanted to scream at them and hit them and get them to understand what Regal meant. But most of all, she wanted to get out of the hallway and into Edge's locker room to tell him what Regal was planning.

The group hovered around for a few more minutes before turning and heading back in the direction they had come from. Lita breathed a sigh of relief before walking out of her hiding place, gasping when she came face to face with William Regal.

"I was wondering when you were going to come out of there," he said with a leer. 

"Get out of my way."

Regal laughed. "I don't think so, my dear." He backed her into the wall and smiled, tracing a finger along her jaw as she struggled to get away from him. "I can't have you going and telling Edge and his little friends about my plans, now can I?"

Lita's eyes widened and so did Regal's grin. "What? You thought I hadn't figured it out? You thought that I'd never know that Christian had finally told his beloved brother?" Lita shifted further away and Regal laughed. "Don't worry, I don't touch whores."

"No, you prefer to touch up young men that you have to force into-" Lita bit back a scream as his hand connected with her face. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Watch it, little girl." Regal said into her ear. "If you think what I do to Christian is bad, it'll be nothing to what I'll do to you. Besides, like him, you'll end up begging for more."

"You sick, perverted-"

"Language, language." Regal smirked. "Quite the temper you have there, little girl. I'll bet you're a tiger in the sack."

"Something you will _never_ know!"

He sneered. "You think I want to find that out first hand? Please. Give me some credit."

"I'll tell you what I'll give you," Lita replied, kneeing him in the groin. "Think of that as a little 'credit' on what Edge owes you. And trust me, that's nothing compared to what he's going to do when he gets his hands on you. The only reason you're still alive is that we needed proof." Lita kneed him again, causing the man to fall to the ground. "And guess what the Hardy brothers were able to obtain from your lovely house in the woods last night...evidence. What a shame you felt the need to take so many photos, you sick fuck. A shame for you, that is, because they arrive back tonight and you'll be in jail before you can blink."

Lita turned and left Regal on the floor as she made her way to Edge's locker room. She had to tell them what was going on, just in case. Jeff and Matt were meeting them at Christian's hospital with the photos and the Police. Edge didn't want anything to go wrong. He wanted to see everything in the one place so that nothing would go missing. Obtaining evidence was the only thing that had stopped him from murdering William Regal with his bare hands, but Lita knew that if something happened to it, or to Christian, Edge would lose it once and for all. Regal would be too dead to go to jail and Edge would be there instead. It was not something Lita wanted to risk.

She turned the last corner, but unfortunately she heard the approaching footsteps too late. A hand clapped over her mouth and she was pulled into a room, the last thing she saw was Regal's fist, and then everything went black.

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End of Part Seventeen 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_


	19. Part 18

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ kyizifanfic@hotmail.com _

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

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Part Eighteen 

****

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

"Where the hell is she?" Edge paced the room. They were running late. Their flight left in three hours, they were meant to be at the airport in less than an hour and Lita was nowhere to be found. 

He ruffled a hand through his hair and stormed out of his locker room for the fourth time in the last forty minutes. He had searched the entire complex four three times already and no one knew where Lita was. No one had even seen her for over an hour. Edge was worried. He wanted to believe that Lita was just running a little late, that she'd got lost, that she was in the bathroom throwing up, anything to get rid of the gnawing feeling in his chest that told him she was in danger.

Since Christian had come back into his life, he had held back in pursing anything with the lovely redhead, feeling that he needed to devote everything he had to Christian. He knew Lita agreed with him and that only made him love her even more. And he did love her. He loved her so much that it hurt to say good night at the end of the evening, knowing that she wouldn't be lying next to him in the morning.

Lita had been his sanity for the last few weeks. She had kept him together when all he wanted to do was lose it and kill Regal. And he really did want to kill the man, he wanted to make sure once and for all that Christian would never be hurt again. Ever. But he knew that wasn't an option, not when it meant he would have to go to jail and leave behind his little brother, whom he had just found again, and the woman he loved, whom he was looking for at that precise moment in time.

He sighed as he rounded the corner. Ha had got himself a coke from the can machine and was heading back to the locker room. He only hoped that Lita would be waiting there for him. He stopped as a wave of dizziness hit him, realising that he hadn't really eaten much that day, and had just been through a very gruelling match. Damn but RVD was too bendy for his own good. The man had been transferred to Smackdown! about a week ago, and had already goaded Edge into a match; loser had to pay for a night of drinks. Luckily Edge had won.

He blinked a few times, willing his vision to come back into focus, and used the door to his left to steady him. When the dizzy spell passed, he stood up straight and blinked again, wiping the tears the spell had caused from his face. A strand of hair tickled his face and he pulled at it, frowning when he realised it had come from his hand. Or rather it had come from the doorframe, where it had been trapped. And it was red. The same colour of red that Lita's hair was.

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

End of Part Eighteen 

_~x~x~x~x~x~_

_I know, this is tiny! But I wanted to make a round 20 chapters! So I promise I'll just update the next chapter real soon!_


	20. Part 19

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**_ kyizifanfichotmail.com _

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

**_Chapter Note:_**_ Regal's first comments are his own, and in **no way **express my own opinions. I have no intention of insulting anyone, and want to express this now, before I get any howlers! I have him say it because I believe he would._

_xxxxx_

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Part Nineteen 

****

_xxxxx_

"Christian Phillips! Surely you speak English! Sorry, I forgot, you're a bloody American; you can't speak English any better than the Germans. Will you please just tell me where I can find him?"

"I'm sorry sir, but it's family only."

"I apologise for my rudeness, but I've flown such a long way to see him." Regal smirked. "And I am family. I'm his Uncle William and he'll be so pleased to see me."

Lance and Test hid their laughter as the nurse frowned and glanced at her notes. "I'm not sure, sir. You're not a listed visitor."

"Please, it would make his day."

The nurse sighed and then smiled. "All right. He's on level three, room 389."

"Thank you," Regal said, smiling as the woman walked away. "You stupid woman," he muttered.

"Well, well, well, look who's here." Test laughed, and Regal spun around, his eyes widening as Edge and the Hardy brothers approached them. "What, don't tell me Christian's pulled another one over your eyes." Lance and Test laughed.

Regal had yet to speak, but he was eyeing Edge and the Hardys with more than a little fear in his eyes. Edge walked right up to him, causing the Englishman to step back a little.

"I want a word with you, Regal."

"Really?" Regal asked, noncommittally, but he knew that Edge could see the fear behind his gaze. "I fail to see what you could possibly have to say to me."

"Really?" Edge asked dangerously. "Because I can think of one _perfectly_ good reason, and I think you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Regal stepped back, fear flashing across his face. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. I think you know exactly what you've been doing to my brother and I think you'd better tell the police everything. Right down to the detail where you threatened my mother's life and my life, just to keep your perverted little secret."

Regal's eyes widened and he stepped yet further away from Edge. "He-he was asking for it. He wanted me to, it was his decision. In fact, I only went along with it because…"

Edge lunged towards Regal, but the Hardy brothers held him back. Lance and Test were looking at them all questioningly, not sure what to make of the situation.

"I swear to God, Regal, if you lay one finger on my brother or anyone else I care about ever again, I will break every bone in your body. And that is not a threat. That's a promise." Edge glanced down the hallway and relaxed. The Hardys followed his gaze and let go of him, knowing he wouldn't try anything.

"William Regal?"

Regal turned, fear and shock plainly written across his face as the three police officers stared at him. Lita, who had been standing beside them, smirked at him and walked towards Edge, wrapping her arms around him, and he kissed her forehead, waiting for Regal to reply.

"Yes, I'm William Regal."

"My name is Sergeant Adams. We'd like you to accompany us down to the station. We have a few questions we'd like to ask you."

"I-I haven't done anything!" Regal stood up straight. "That boy is a liar. I never laid a finger on him! I mean, rape is something for old men and little girls. Those photos are, well, I mean, I would never-"

Sergeant Adams raised his eyebrows. "I never said anything about rape, Sir. And I hadn't mentioned any photos," the man said. "Yet."

"But, I…I mean I assumed…"

"You assumed what?"

"Nothing, I mean, nothing."

Sergeant Adams nodded to his fellow officers who reached out to William Regal and cuffed his hands behind his back. "William Regal, you are under arrest for the repeated beating and rape of Mr. Christian Phillips. You do not have to say anything, unless you wish to do so, but anything you do say can, and will, be used against you in the court of law. You have a right of an attorney, however if you are unable to find one, one will be appointed you."

Sergeant Adams pulled Edge aside as the other officers' escorted Regal from the building. "You're Edward Phillips?" Edge nodded and Sergeant Adams continued. "I realise that this is a difficult time for you and your brother, but we are going to require statements from you both, as well as anyone else involved."

"I know."

"We'll send an officer to your home tomorrow to speak to you both, and we may require you to come down to the station at some point as well."

"Of course."

Sergeant Adams nodded and turned around, heading outside to the police car that would take William Regal into custody.

_xxxxx_

End of Part Nineteen 

_xxxxx_


	21. Part 20

**In A Breath**

****

**_By Kyizi_**

****

****

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All characters belong to the WWE, the story is mine._

****

**_Rating: _**_R, for violence and rape_

****

**_Summary:_**_ Christian turned his back on his brother, on his career and on his company, was it really all because he was jealous of his brother's success? Or was he trying to escape from something…or someone?_

****

**_Spoilers:_**_ Up to and including Vengeance._

****

**_Setting:_**_ This starts the day before Vengeance, but we will be taking a trip back in time every now and again._

****

**_Feedback:_**_ Always appreciated_

****

**_E-mail:_**

****

**_Yahoo! Group: _**_KyiziFic_

****

**_Notes:_**_ This idea came into my head after reading Karen U's fic, "It Only Hurts" where she gave Jericho a reason for being, well, an ass, I began to wonder if maybe Christian had a reason…_

_(Matt and Lita aren't dating in this one and they're both at Vengeance backstage for the purposes of this fic!)_

_xxxxx_

****

Part Twenty 

****

_xxxxx_

"It's over," Christian whispered, his fingers clutching at the paper so hard that his knuckles were white. "I can't believe it's finally over." Tears were streaming down his face, tumbling onto the paper and staining the letters into a blur of nothing. They no longer read anything, they were just a blob in the centre of the page. Just like William Regal was nothing to him anymore. Just a blur in the back of his mind.

He had had to face his worst fear, the one man that had ruined his life. He wasn't sure how many people in life could honestly say that, but he could and he had. He had done it. He had faced him, and he had survived.

The case had taken months to go through the court. Not through lack of evidence, but Regal had hired a very competent lawyer that seemed able to draw anything out. In the end, the case only made court so quickly because of Vince McMahon's interference.

He never thought he'd see the day when he'd be that grateful to Vince McMahon, the day he had been given his job paled in comparison, and Christian had been willing to worship the man for that. To be fair, it wasn't an act of compassion on McMahon's part, more an act of 'this isn't doing anything for business and I want it over as soon as possible', but Christian was grateful nonetheless.

"Hey, sweetie," Torrie said, snuggling up beside him. "How are you doing?" she asked, indicating the wet paper in his hands.

"I'm…" Christian smiled. "Do you know what? I'm actually doing okay." He turned to look at his fiancé and grinned. The first real grin he had been able to muster in such a long time. Granted, he'd been ecstatic when Torrie had said 'yes' to the question that made most men want to pee their pants, but this more. Because he would be able to marry Torrie as a himself, and not just the broken shell he had become.

"Hey, little brother."

Christian looked up and smiled as Edge entered the room. "Hey."

"Now that's what I like to see," Edge said with a grin.

"What?" Torrie asked. "Me in my new dress?"

Edge and Christian both laughed as Edge shook his head. "As gorgeous as you look, Torrie, I think I'd like to live. And Christian throws a mean punch when he's jealous." Both brothers smiled, remembering when Christian had done just that in the past. "What I meant was," Edge said, slightly more seriously. "It's nice to see my little brother happy."

Christian smiled and stood up, shocking his brother by pulling him into a hug. It was the first time they had really hugged since before the whole thing had started, and both were a little teary eyed when they pulled back.

"Hey, guys!" The moment was broken when Edge broke into a huge grin at the sound of Lita's voice.

"We're in the lounge," Edge called back.

"Okay, well, I've got shopping, let me put it into the kitchen then I'll be right through."

"My, God, you're driving me insane."

Edge turned to his brother and frowned. "What?"

"I swear to God if you don't kiss her and tell her you love her by the end of the night, I'll do it for you!"

Edge went bright red and glared at Torrie as she started to giggle. "Shut up," he grumbled. "It's not that easy." Christian rolled his eyes and turned his glare on his brother. "Don't look at me like that."

Christian sighed. "Just tell her, Edge," he said softly. "Just tell her."

"Damn top shelves," Lita grumbled, crawling onto the worktop on her hands and knees. She reached up and placed the pasta on the top shelf where it belonged and sighed. "Damn tall gorgeous wrestlers that can't keep their damn food at a reasonable height."

"That wouldn't be me you're talking about, now would it?"

Lita jumped in surprise, hitting her head on the cabinet door. "Ouch!"

"Are you okay?" Edge asked, trying not to laugh. He helped turn her around and sit down, making her lean forward so that he could check the back of her head. "Nothing there. You're fine."

She glanced up at him and he grinned at her. She smiled and blushed a little, as he gazed back at her, his expression unreadable…or very readable, if she was being optimistic.

"So," he said with a smirk. "What was that about tall gorgeous wrestlers?"

She glanced away, her blush deepening. "I was referring to Christian," she said, rather weakly.

"Really?"

She looked up at him and her breath caught in her throat. He was staring at her openly and she took a deep breath as he seemed to be moving closer to her…then he stopped. He looked a little unsure and Lita was ready to scream.

"Oh, for goodness sakes," she muttered and grabbed the collar to his shirt, crushing his lips to hers. He was clearly shocked, but after a moment, she felt him grinning against her lips, before he deepened the kiss, reassuring her that she really hadn't just made a prize fool of herself.

After a few moments, he pulled back and she followed him, not wanting to stop. He chuckled slightly and kissed her nose gently. "I love you."

Her eyes widened and she looked up at him in shock. Had he really just said that? He looked frightened for a moment, as if he had said something wrong, but Lita just continued to stare at him.

"Say that again," she whispered.

He smiled slightly. "I love you, Lita." He replied, a hint of nervousness still in his voice.

She broke into a huge grin and kissed him. "I love you, too, Edge." She laughed at the relief in his face and shook her head. He loved her. He really loved her. The thought rang through her head on a loop. Edge loved her. And then he kissed her and she stopped thinking altogether.

Christian smiled and pulled the kitchen door closed exchanging a look with Torrie. She squealed quietly and he rolled his eyes, pulling her into his arms and lifting her off the floor slightly. He walked, carrying her as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and made his way upstairs and out to the balcony.

"I love you, Tor, you know that, right?"

She beamed at him and kissed him. "Of course I do, just like you know I love you."

He placed her back on her feet and kissed her gently. "You know this isn't over, right?"

Her face saddened and he hated that he had caused the sparkle in her eyes to disappear, clouding their beauty. "I know that, Christian. I know it's not over."

"It might never be over, Tor."

She shook her head and smiled sadly, tightening her arms around his neck. "I don't care, Christian," she said. "I really don't care if you can never get over this. But I truly believe in you, and I think you can." She smiled. "But either way, I'll be with you until we're old and grey and even after that. After everything ends, I'll always be by your side, and so will Edge and Lita and all your friends, Chris. We're all here for you, and we all love you. I'm never letting you go."

Something inside of him just knew that she was telling the truth. She would never leave him, and for some unknown reason, she loved him and she always would. All he had wanted was his life back, that was all that he had dreamed of for that last year and a half, and finally he had it. But was it all real?

There was a part of him that just didn't want to believe that this was real, that he had the woman he loved in his arms, his friends and family back, and most of all, his brother. Because if he believed it, he would love it, and then when it was taken away again it would crush him. He would be worse off than before because he had been taunted with everything he'd ever wanted.

He sighed and looked into Torrie's eyes and all his fears disappeared. She loved him and he had his life back. The memories were still there, even with Regal behind bars they haunted his thoughts, both waking and sleeping. He didn't know how he would begin to forget, how he would even go about trying to be 'normal' again. But he knew they weren't asking that of him. They just wanted him to live. He knew he may never get over what he had lived through, but he would try. For Edge, for her…and for himself, he would try to live.

Christian kissed her deeply, before pulling back and kissing her forehead. He held onto her tightly as she tucked her head under his chin and wrapped her arms around his chest. He held onto her tightly as he watched the sky darkening and they stood there until the moon was high. Life wasn't ending for him, as he had hoped those few months prior, they were just beginning, and even though he knew they could be taken away from him in a breath, he knew he didn't care. Because with that final breath, he would be free of his past…he would be free to live.

The End 

_I was going to add a small epilogue when I finished, but I really don't think this needs one. This fic was extremely difficult for me to write, as I tend to go for romantic angst when I write, as opposed to this type of emotional angst, and I can only hope I gave the storyline some semblance of justice._

_I do not pretend to know what it would be like to go through what Christian did, and I hope I never have to find out, so if this doesn't quite seem right in places, I apologise, but I couldn't have done any more than I did without crying hysterically every time I wrote it!_

_I hope you enjoyed the read, and I hope you can spare a few moments for feedback. It's always appreciated._

_Kyizi  
x_


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